think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
