Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
