While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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