you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
