WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize