I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
