you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
