If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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