My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
