If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
