I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm gonna have a badass scar
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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