Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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