I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
