Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
