So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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