He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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