Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
