Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
