That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i think i just lost a toe
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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