We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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