ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
