My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
