You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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