Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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