Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
