You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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