Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
