Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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