So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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