Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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