Pants 0. Shit 1.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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