Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
