yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
