he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
