I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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