You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
