Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
