And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
