Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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