Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
