do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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