I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
