It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
