I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The adults are the big ones right?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
