I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
