I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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