remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
