fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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