I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
