She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
