just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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