If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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