At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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