I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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