My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
