The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
