Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
