If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Randomize
