Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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