Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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