Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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