its not stalking. its research.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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