high people should be assigned attendants
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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