Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Still dying that you shit outside
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
