i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
