My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
