Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
