YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
